She is
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: Morgan has a sort of wakeup call. There is someone in his life; he realizes he can't live without.
1. Chapter 1

**She is**

Author: AbbyGibbs

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds doesn't belong to me, sadly enough. No it belong to Jeff Davis who created the show and the team of writers and producers and all the people who makes of the show what it is today… No copyright infringement intended.

Rating: M for later chapters.

Category: Romance, hurt/comfort, angst...

Pairing: Morgan/Garcia

Spoilers: None

Summary: Morgan has a sort of wakeup call. There is someone in his life, he realizes he couldn't live without.

 **A/N: This idea for this story just popped into my mind while listening to Lady Antebellum's She is.**

 **I would like to think, Shemar Moore, Kirsten Vangsness, A.J. Cook, and all the actors that makes the show what it is. For the purpose of his story, let's say that the events in "Profiler, profiled" have indeed happened but that Morgan never talked to the press about what Carl has done to him.**

 **I know I have still my story "By chance" to finished, but I just need to write this one as well and share it with you guys. Please don't give up on me, just yet. Oh, I guess, I should warn you that I'm not sure where this one will lead to.**

 **Un-beta'd so I apologized in advance for any mistakes, typos or grammatical issues.**

 **Thanks to every one of you who support me, and are always there to put in a good word. You guys are awesome! Special thanks to PolHop and Karen LaManna!**

 **Feedbacks** : well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

 **ONE**

 _ **One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood.**_ _ **-**_ _ **Lucius Annaeus Seneca**_

Derek Morgan closed the door of his apartment behind him. He didn't even bother to switch on the lights. Right now, he didn't need light, he didn't need anything. The one thing he needed was something he couldn't get feeling at peace with himself and with the world.

A shower might help, maybe. But could a shower really wash the inside of your head? It worked at the BAU for so many years now and thought he had seen everything, but the case they had just close surpasses everything! Such cruelty was unbelievable. It wouldn't have taken much more for him to throw up.

He had been thankful though Penelope didn't have to see this.

Morgan walked over to the refrigerator, opened it and took himself a beer. It was one of those home coming night where Derek Morgan wondered why he kept doing this job. Humanity was lost. He thought bitterly.

He wanted to call her, but she wasn't alone anymore. He hated it. They were best friends and nothing had happened between them, but he hated the simple thought of it. The last time a man had been interested in Penelope Garcia, she almost lost herself thinking she wasn't good enough to be loved. Penelope was good enough to be loved, sometimes he was surprised that she had such low opinion of herself, that she really was convinced that she could do nothing better than Kevin Lynch.

Derek knew why she thought that, she unconsciously protected herself from being seriously hurt he understood. He himself had thought for a long time, he wasn't good enough to be trully loved be another human being. A lack of self-confidence t nurtured by convincing that only Bufford was worth of his love. The man had left such big scars on his mind. A fading scar that is, but a scar nevertheless.

The monster had marked him forever.

He had devoted his life to put monsters like him behind bars. He'd live with the burden for so long. It took him years to be able to put this part of his past behind him, but no matter what he would always carry it with him. His way of acting with people, his relationships with women everything he did had been dictate by the events he had to endure in his childhood. Derek had become a womanizer to prove himself that he was a man. His was his way to cope. Maybe it had also be a way for him to prove himself that he liked women.

Morgan knew what to do to make women feel good about them and he took his time to make sure that they would have fun, but it never had anything to do with love. Love was actually a foreign word to him. When he went to bed, with a woman, it helped him find some kind of release but he always felt empty afterwards, each time the emptiness felt even stronger. None of them knew about his past, and he would make sure to keep it that way.

Sometimes a woman would stay a little longer, but when she wanted a commitment, he was gone.

Only a very few people of the BAU knew what had Bufford had done to him, but not Garcia, no she didn't know about it. He wouldn't do that to her. If she knew she would think less of him, and that was something he didn't want. She's the reason why he was still sane, she's the reason why he went to work every single day to see her beautiful smile. Morgan was so grateful to have her in his life. Maybe it was time for him to tell her so... Just maybe...

Just maybe... he whispered into the silent and dark room as he brought his beer bottle to his lips again.

He couldn't tell her. He couldn't and wouldn't take the risk to lose her friendship. No way was he ready taking this risk with her and, even if something would happen between the two of them, he wouldn't let her carry such big burden with him.

The best thing to do was to leave. He couldn't do this job anymore, he realized, no matter how much he loved to see her smile, every day, no matter how much he would miss her and their teasing, their flirtation, he needed to leave for his and her best interest.

Derek closed his eyes at the feeling of the liquid going down his throat. He sighed heavily, he wanted to sleep and forget everything about this long and horrifying day.

He opened his eyes when he heard his phone ring. He smirk found its way to his lips when he saw who was calling him.

"Hey, buttercup."

["Hey,"] He simply said.

"Rough day, huh?"

["You've know, idea, baby girl."] He sighed heavily.

"How can I help, sugar?"

["You are already helping. You're talking to me."]

"Aww, how sweet." Garcia said, touched by her best friend's words, but she could also sense there was something else. So she asked him what was going on.

Morgan didn't answer her the way she expected him to, instead he simply said.

["I will miss you, Penelope."]

"Derek?"

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for everyone that has reviewed the first chapter of the story. It's means a lot to me. It really does. What will happen now will Morgan really leave or will she find a way to make him stay?**

 **On another subject: mom didn't have to stay in the hospital for one night after all, it all turned out better than we thought, more fear than pain. It is such a relief... sighs.**

 **As you see, I'm trying not to leave too much time between updates, I promise I'll do my best to keep it up.**

 **TWO**

 _Did he just hang up on me? And right before that did he really say: I'll miss you? Why would he miss her? He wasn't going anywhere, was he?_ Penelope Garcia didn't know what to think or to do right now.

He hadn't said anything to her, she suspected the case they'd been working on the past few weeks had been rough, but that he would actually quit... that was not like him at all. They were friends, they had been friends from the start, she knew he had her back and she had his. Derek knew he could talk to her about anything, even his girlfriends even though it never was easy for her to do so.

What had happened to him that he thought he couldn't turn to her now? Garcia needed to see, to talk to him. _What's wrong with you, Hot Stuff?_

Penelope dialed Morgan's phone number, and waited for him to pick up, in vain. She tried his other cell phone, but nothing. Derek Morgan remained unreachable.

 _Damn it, Derek! Do you really think, you can get rid of me so easily? Well, try again, mister, because you're going to talk to me sooner or later, buddy._

She stood up and reached for her car keys and walked out of her apartment, if Morgan wasn't going to talk to her, she was going to talk to him. Something at happened to her best friend, something bad enough for him to want to quit the BAU.

From the first day, she met him she knew that he was a fighter, that he would do anything to get the criminals behind bars… a wonderful heart was hidden behind good looks, he cared deeply for others.

Morgan was the one who gave her hope again. She just couldn't let him leave.

Garcia drove to Morgan's place. His apartment was dark which could only mean two things: he was inside and hadn't bother to switch on the lights or he hadn't arrived yet. When Penelope looked around, she spotted his car.

 _Okay, so you're there. I swear my chocolate Adonis, whatever it is that you are carrying, you won't to do it alone anymore, I promise._

As Garcia parked her car, she wondered what to tell him. She went for the truth. Lies never paid off anyway.

Why couldn't things be easy for once?

Alone in the darkness and silence of his apartment, Derek told himself, the decision he had made was the right one. He would write them a letter, spend some time with his mom in Chicago and find himself a new job, take a little time to do the things he had always wanted to do, but never did.

Morgan took another gulp of his beer, and then he stood up, and went in search for some paper and a pencil. When he found what he was searching for, he sat on his bed, and stated to write the first letter.

 _Baby Girl,_

That's how far he got. How was he going to tell how he felt and why he was about to leave his life as he knew it, to start a new one something far away from the madness of humanity. He had never really understood or rather didn't want to understand why Gideon had left until now.

Now, he was about to do the same because he was tired of the sadness, the misery, tired of watching death in the eye almost every single day. It might regret it, one day, but right now, he couldn't think about doing his job one more minute.

"Hot Stuff, it's me, open the door, I know you're in there, I saw your car parked outside. We need to talk." She said through the door.

The FBI tech analyst listened for any sound of movement, inside the apartment, but heard nothing. This was unbelievable. "Morgan open the door, come on. You're some friend, you. You were going to leave without further notice, how can you even get it in your head to act like that?" She said to the still closed door, anger and sadness creeping in her voice.

"I thought you respected me, damn it, Derek Morgan open the damn door or I'll do it myself! She yelled.

Still, there was no reaction. You have to be kidding me. So mister wants to play the stubborn one on me? Well, Mister Morgan, two can play that game. Garcia wanted to tell him she wasn't planning to anywhere, that she would camp before his closed door if needed, but she smiled because she had a better idea. She was a geeky girl to the outside world, but she had also some useful skills of her own.

Thankfully, she had pulled her hair up today; the door wouldn't stay close much longer. A few moments later, she entered her best friend's place. He was there, she could sense his presents.

"D, come on, talk to me, please. I'll even beg if you want me to, but don't tell me that you'll miss me, like you're leaving me."

"I am, Penelope. I am leaving."

"Why?" She asked him in a soft voice as she slowly stepped forward in the dark apartment.

"I can't do this anymore." He told her in a small voice.

The curvy blond came to sit next to him on the bed, her eyes fell on the note pad he was still holding in his hand and read:

Baby Girl... Her voice asked him softly...

"Why don't you tell me what you were about to write in that letter."

Morgan eyes looked down at the paper.

"I'm such a mess, baby girl." He murmured.

 **So that what it for the second chapter, I promise, the next update will be longer**. **I'm also sorry for the mistakes and grammatical errors or typos.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for everyone that has reviewed the second chapter, it's gonna get easier for them. Penelope Garcia entered his apartment and they are now talking, well sort off, but Derek seems to keep avoiding the subject of what's really bother him.**

 **I promise, the story will be more joyful than it started the farther we will get in the chapters. This one as a little joyful scene in it I think, I really hope you'll enjoy it.**

 **As you can see, I'm trying not to leave too much time between updates, I promise I'll do my best to keep it up. Thank you also for everyone's support, you guys are amazing! Things seem to go better now.**

 **THREE**

"Morgan, handsome, why are you saying that you're a mess?" Penelope asked him concerned.

"Because that is why I am." He said, visibly defeated.

"No you are not," she told her firmly. Her index finger came to caress his cheeks before she forced him to look at her before she added, "whatever happened during the case wasn't your fault."

"You don't know that, you weren't even there." He said to her with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"No, I wasn't, that's true, but I know you, Hot stuff." She smiled tenderly at him.

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips at her words, she always knew what to tell him to make him feel better. Has he thought about it, SSA Derek Morgan realized it had always been that way. Penelope had always been the one to cheer him up more than any other person ever had, he knew.

He had a woman in his life now, Savannah, but it wasn't the same, she was… what was she actually? He wondered… She was there when he came back home, but she didn't understand him, she didn't understand his job… she never did and never wanted to. The job he was doing day in day out was extremely difficult because they had to deal daily with the worst side of humanity and it was precisely that side that he was having trouble to deal with now.

"I love you," he told her suddenly.

"I know you do, sweetie pie I love you, too," Penelope, smiled reaching out to place her other hand on his cheek to caress it. Derek knew from the tone of voice she had used that she hadn't understood the true meaning of his words, he hadn't told her the words in only a friendly way, so he decided he would show her. The bottle of beer he was still holding in hands found its way on the nightstands as he leaned backwards and stretched his arm. He smiled at Penelope when she watched him sit up again she saw light shining in his eyes, the light that had disappeared from them since that damn case, they'd been working on had started.

"You want us to go out and grab something to eat?" Was what she asked him next.

"I'm not really hungry, but I wouldn't mind getting some fresh air."

"Well that is what we are going to do then." Penelope said as she withdrew her hand from his cheek.

Morgan reached for that very same hand and stood up, pulling her up to him, a little too forcefully apparently because she found herself against chest. Penelope Garcia, felt a wave of warmth creep up inside her body the very moment she realized they were so close to one another, and she felt her cheeks burn. "Sorry," she said in a gasp." Was what she told him, when she pulled away from him to steady herself.

"Nothing to be sorry about, Baby Girl, I was the one pulling a little too hard at your hand."

Penelope pushed herself away from him.

Derek frowned wondering why she'd pulled her hand away from his, this wasn't like her. Had he done something she didn't want him to do?

When they stood by the door, Morgan looked at her while his hand reached for the doorknob he leaned forward to brush his lips with hers.

Surprised Penelope didn't really react to him. She wanted to kiss him back but she couldn't, he had Savannah, she didn't want to be the other woman. It wouldn't be right anyone, it felt to her as if he was kissing her for the wrong reasons. And yet, she would have loved that his lips would have stayed longer on hers. Her lips tingled slightly. Though Penelope couldn't thinking she'd been dreaming because before she.

The wind hit them immediately as they exited the building, the weather forecast had predict that a cold front would hit the city but no one had thought that it would hit so soon.

"I want to go back inside; it's too cold, you know, I hate cold."

Derek stopped to look at her in disbelief. "Did you really just say that you hate the cold of the Winter? While you are the one who came, broke into my place to talk to me, only wearing a short skirt and a T-shirt."

"Well yeah, you scared the hell out of me; by saying you were going to miss me, and it doesn't change the fact that hate being cold."

"Come here," he said and hugged her tight.

Her arms encircled his waist, and her head lay on his chest. "That feels nice."

Morgan chuckled at her words, "That's good to know."

It was nice to hold her this close to him.

 _Then suddenly she felt herself being dragged against the concrete wall when body was pinning hers against it, and he was kissing her senseless, a moan of pleasure escaped her throat; she loved what his mouth was doing with hers. He wanted her_ _he wanted her so much it hurt_ _he had wanted this, her for so long her couldn't even remember when he had started seeing her in another light. Morgan deepened the kiss, thrusting his tong roughly into her mouth. His jeans were starting to feel real tight. This wasn't going to last long…_

"Hot Stuff? Morgan!"

"Huh?" Morgan snapped out of his reverie.

"Can we go back inside, to borrow a pullover of yours or something?"

 _Damn it, where did those thoughts, come from?_ Derek wondered, he had had fantasies of his best friend before, but mostly that happened had night while he lay in bed, not like this.

"Sure, come on," he said, before let go of her and took her hand his as he led her back to his apartment.

They entered his place again a few minutes later, Garcia watched him fumbled through his drawer to find a pullover for her. Penelope wondered if he was looking for something specific. Any of his pullovers would do the trick.

"Looking for something in particular, chocolate cake?"

Garcia received no answer from him, all she could hear were drawers opening and closing. Then finally, "Ah ah, I found it!"

"Found what?" Penelope asked.

"This!" Derek said happily, when he reentered the room, she stood in.

"Oh my God, I can't believe you kept this. I thought you didn't like it."

"No, I don't really like it, but you do so I kept it."

A smiled appeared on her red painted lips, and the next thing he knew she jumped in his arms, he had to take a step back to keep them both in balance.

"Wow, you're gonna make us fall." Morgan chuckled.

"No, I won't, you're too strong and if we should fall anyway, you'll break my fall."

He looked at her intently but no words came out of his mouth.

Penelope's breath was taken away; he looked at her in such a way, if she didn't know him better she would have sworn that he was looking at her with adoration. But it was Derek Morgan looking at her so this couldn't be… and yet.

When he finally spoke her heart sank a little.

"Hmm, baby you should put it on and then we can go back out."

"Sure" was what she answered him rapidly feeling a little uncomfortable.

Why did it seem so awkward, they had always felt comfortable around one another and now, it all seemed so confusing?

Whatever sparkle of magic she thought had been there a split second ago, between them, was now gone. The tech analyst hurriedly put on his pullover. It was too big for her, of course, but she felt comfortable in it, and it was Morgan's

His least favorite one, because there was a goofy reindeer on the front, a typical Christmas piece of clothing, it wasn't really that he didn't like it, he thought that it didn't fit him, it didn't fit his personality while it perfectly fitted Penelope Garcia's.

"I'm in the mood for a coffee,"

"Off we go then, she said with a somewhat forced smile.

Penelope felt a little uneasy, not because of what she was wearing, she loved his Christmas-ish pullover, but because, she had the unpleasant impression, her best friend was trying to hide something from her. They needed to talk about what was going on and, he visibly tried to avoid the subject twice already, she hoped that he would be able to talk when they were walking in the story or while he was drinking a coffee.

They really needed to talk no matter how difficult it would be. She hated to feel uneasy around him. They needed to clear things out very soon.

 **000**

"Spencer Reid." He said as he picked up his cell phone.

["Hey, it's me; don't you think that Morgan was acting strangely, during this case?"]

"Yeah, he did, but I think it's because he couldn't properly deal with how cruel the UNSUB was with his victims add to that, the victims were children."

["I have a child and I managed."] JJ told Reid.

"Yeah, but you have, Will, Derek doesn't have anyone he can actually really talk to when he comes home."

["I thought, he had, Savannah."]

"Oh, come, JJ, you can't seriously think, that he actually talk to her about our cases. She might be a doctor, but she has no idea what we have about to face, during a case.

["You're right."] She agreed.

"I wouldn't tell her anything, either. Savannah isn't the kind of person I would confide in. I don't trust her."

["Good think you never told him that"].

"Maybe I should have…. He could have spared him lots of troubles."

["You really don't like her, do you?"]

"Honestly? No."

["Isn't there a way for us to help him?"]

"I'm not sure any of us could really help him, I'm worried he's thinking about leaving the BAU." Reid sighed heavily, sad at the thought that his friend might leave the team.

["What? What makes you say that?"]

"He wasn't really acting like himself while we worked on the case. There was something bother him, other than what happen with the victims and the UNSUB. I think he is dealing with personal problems too." Spencer explained.

["What are you saying that he and Savannah aren't together anymore?"]

"I wouldn't go that far, but… I think their relationship is in a shaky state. And do I have to remind you the way she looked at Garcia when she came at the BAU a month ago?"

["Oh, no you don't. I really thought the woman would have killed P if she had had a gun. Morgan and Penelope have always this closeness from the start; no one can get between them, if the woman sharing Derek's life can accept it well too bad for her, because if he has too chose, he'll chose Garcia."]

"Exactly."

["Maybe our very own tech analyst could help him. What do you think?"]

"Yeah, but I also think that Morgan will feel better when he'll admit to himself that he has feelings for Garcia."

["Morgan has feelings for Penelope?"]

"Oh, please, JJ, don't tell me you didn't figure that one out already."

JJ put her cell phone on speaker as she took poured water on a teabag; she had just set in a mug. When she had done that, she took the mug and her cell phone and walked to her living room to sit down in her favorite couch. The much was placed on the coffee table, for a moment, then she suddenly realized she'd forgotten to take something to put to teabag in after she would withdrew it for the hot water. She stood up and went back to the kitchen, retrieved what she needed and went back to sit to sit on the couch.

["I had suspicions, but… I wish we could help them.]

"We will, but I suggest we let him do first and if nothing has happen within a week, we'll give them a little push. That okay with you?"

["Perfect."] JJ said while she took the teabag out of the mug, it's then that she heard… ["Gotta go, Reid."]

"No problem, give him a kiss for me."

["Will do."] JJ said before she hung up.

Spencer smiled, yeah; he sure was going to give them both a push if nothing happened between Morgan and Garcia soon. He wrote the last word of his crossword puzzle; LOVE

Love was the medicine Morgan needed to heal his broken heart and soul. Spencer Reid thought.

TBC…

 **So what do you think? What will happen next?**


End file.
